I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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