Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
