i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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