I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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