Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
