are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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