The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
