i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
