the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
