I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dicks are not precious.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
