I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
