How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Less talking, more tequila
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
