your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
