hell yes lets make some ravioli
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is Oprah even human
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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