life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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