He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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