Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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