I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We named our party play list daddy issues
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
