Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
