The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
