Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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