Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize