someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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