Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize