yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
