so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
