No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you never un-have a 4some
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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