Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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