well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
