just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
