And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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