I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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