Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
