After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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