I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what day is it and did you see me today?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
