I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
