I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Randomize
