Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
