No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
should my penis look like a turkey
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
