She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
