You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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