ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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