WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
