I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
