Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
