i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
