Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
