too bad you live with your parents still
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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