so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
