I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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