I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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