If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
