P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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