i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
