i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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