Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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