Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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