I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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