So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
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Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you