420 ftw
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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