If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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