HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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