legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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