have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was confusing and full of hummus
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
