My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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