i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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