i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
