You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
