Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wear drunk well.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
