Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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