Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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