Don't you send me to vm
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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