Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
