I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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