everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
