I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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