No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize